I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
