So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
