Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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