So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
