please come you make the beer taste better
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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