I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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