I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
