We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
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You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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