so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
