Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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