I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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