In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
