If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
