Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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