dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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