it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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