I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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