And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we're chasing vodka with high fives
tell your sister to shave her snatch
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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