Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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