Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
