Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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