If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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