When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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