well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
