why do cheetos always look like penises
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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