just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
