Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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