My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
