I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
