Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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