Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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