i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
