Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
