i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
nutella sex= disaster
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
