i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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