how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
