Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
