I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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