..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
