instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
