So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
