Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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