Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
