CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
