just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
They have beer where we have blood.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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