yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
