omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
