Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
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The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
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we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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