i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
COCAINE IS GR8
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
