You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
