we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Randomize
