Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
