If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why did my mother make you get naked?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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