Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
