Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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