dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
