I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
