Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
