Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
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Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
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When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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