her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
FUCK WHALES
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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