so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
