I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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