If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
