Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
