my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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