I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
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I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
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In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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