My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
