i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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