She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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